I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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