Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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