You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
