He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
