I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
