I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
