I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
