considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
