What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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