im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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