I cockslap morals
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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