hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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