I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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