Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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