I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
