You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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