what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
