She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
