I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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