Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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