the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
