Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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