my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Someone came in the potted fern
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
