great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
