i just had sex bonerless
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
