??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
