how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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