What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
