capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize