I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
