u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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