so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
