i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
