I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
