He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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