ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Your penis caused this!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
