So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
