So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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