A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
