You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
