I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Congratulations! We have a period
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
