i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
