We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
