So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
