happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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