can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
