sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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