I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
soo... how was my night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
