Christians are straight up FREAKS
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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