i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
