He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
