remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
