Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
