i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
