I wish my penis had an off switch
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
