Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
