It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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