I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
